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Auto'bio'graph'y

mi'a fost cerut de multe ori un lucru. sa imi fac o auto'biografie. Sa incepem prin a explica ceva. Eu functionez un pic altfel din cate imi dau seama si din cate va dati si voi seama, si prin asta nu stiu daca vreau sa zic 'voi cititorii' sau 'voi oamenii in genere', 'voi oamenii care nu a'ti citit' sau voi oamenii care va ganditi sa cititi', 'ceva' sau 'in genere', sau, ma rog, 'a'ti inteles'. Treaba e ca de cand am ajuns sa ma exprim cum gandesc, adica de la varsta de la care am ajuns matur, mi s'a cerut sa tac, caci vorbesc prostii. Pentru mine evident nu sunt prostii. Voi scrie acest text in eng (without doubling leters or writing 'i' in caps... sory but in this text i don't find it relevant) din cauza ca lumea e inca setata pe limba engleza ca limba universala, astfel vreau sa ating un public cat mai larg, tinand cont ca acest text nu il voi traduce. Daca vreti il puteti traduce voi ; eu il voi pune pe blog, dar probabil ca asta nu se va intampla. Non vuoi dire che tuto persone che lize vo capire questo testo, questa lingua, ma vuoi credere che cozi vayo a fare plu tanto capire. Le histoire est vrai et non comentable. Mbo, s'e puo comentare, ma non ha nesun senso ; recte Sono considerato schizzofrenico paranoico solo per dire de le coze che s'e vayo dire su la totalita del texto. So : let's begin.

Autobiography at, so be it, half life

Beyond

Beyond does not mater we say. It's beyond. But beyond's beyonds is what is, be and has. That is why in part of this so caled half life, surely I will mis some storie that i lived and/or remember. So...

Beginings. The first Babylon

My first memory in this life, like i remember it is something that my eyes mostly do not sy, but the ears are very fair in their fait in having. The brain has it all very good understood. You will catch my drift.

So, it was black. Most of what i saw was black. The eyes didn't hurt not seeing. It was kinda a state of slyp. I remember music. The so called 'true clasic'. It was what we now call betoven, straus, or others, to be more precise.
The question would be why do i cal names... wel, fact is i don't want to cal names, but the thing is i somehow started in this kind of true clasic and arived mixing it... somehow with my head... somehow with my arms, somehow with twitches of my feet... the thing is i was so blank in he head, i did not truly know only that what i was feeling...

these times where like forever for me... i pased them and wanted to go back, but i could not... the drum and base which i had in my head already proved to be something that had evolved my brain... i arived at something more... there was some kind of conciousnes that was teling me this also... this is how i believe in god... i have sometimes a litle birdie in my head that tels me stuf and i canot say it is wrong, because if i listen to it, my body feels to move more naturaly...

I canot say i am a pupet on a string because after i listen to this voice something strange hapens. I fall asleep and then i wake up with my head blank. I hear this voice, but somehow i feel it in front of me. Then i arive at chosing what i do next. This voice basicly does'nt let me arive at no'end, and it lets me get a do'over if i want...

but of course... i was so fond of the body i found that after i heard the music once, i heard the music again. But i chose. Blind, i danced on drum and base and just afterwards i arived to clasic. Due to fatigue. I chose some names for the singers... not all... i am not mad. I am not al powerful or anything...
from this i learned only i had some kind of angel that helps me.

This i call now first babylon, because i did not had any language. Somehow i knew some english and some romanian, but more was about movement than words... i felt like speaking romanian. English seemed since then a language that tires me... u wil get some more about this language subject, and some stories will be harder to believe since i tell you in the end of this begining. This earth is mine as much as it is of the most powerful people on this planet. I hope it is as much to every conciousnes that roams these lands...

First touch of life. Hip'hop

this is where i remember somehow that me, my soul, chose it's name : Anthus. Sounded like : in tot ; which in romanian means : in everything ; but it was danced a bit... the begining of french and italian as i like to call them now... sound much for one soul, but remember : god is one soul that gave u all souls... yes he is mostly considered at least a duality, but this is for other texts to solve.

How i knew how to speak i still don't know... i practices somehow with my mouth words, and i placed them like in a library, somehow, so that they will sound good for the ears... that is the only explanation i have...

i began to have some sort of life... this drug which we don't realy understand... this strange drug... I loved it... i tried to do whatever i saw fit and capable of doing... it was like dreaming as i see it now... this state will take a while...

don't think i invented new languages... fact is : i tried to talk, but i didn't have enough language at my disposition... so i began singing hip'hop in my head... at that point i could not choose what is to be heard. Everything i had in my head was heard by what flew beside me in that Eden, how i chose now to cal it.

Friends and family. Me.

God told me then that persons with which i interact will be even friends and family, depending on how much i interact with them... first tho, i had to choose my body.

Interactions are vast. In that period i began to use fod, drinks, drugs, vehicles i considered will exist (i did not believe in cars at first, tho others seemed to do).

How i used thing considering i was living in pitch black ? They formed in my head as an image, like a computer assisted design tool and then i used them because they turned to life when i aproved god in giving me the object to interact with it...
still strange ? Wait until it gets stranger.
This was only interacting with things that did nothing to me, but the story gets weirder. Just bare with me.

In time i chose a body for me, because i was not picky... I just wanted at first to be like a reptile man, but god did not let me. It was like an universal eror when i tried... somehow the thing was i knew english beter because i was a reptile man before, and i directly engage in life, and i did not want that.

I am strange, i know...

i wanted to have a somewhat masive body, and a fairly tal stature, eyes big, but this last one was imposible again by a universal eror...
after i chose my skin color, my eye color and such and such i saw my father's face for the first time. (of course he does not remember this, and avoids to call me directly insane, but he does not want me to speak of such things much like the mugle family of harry potter in the story...)

i only saw his face... the rest not... my mom not... i think tho i have some friends that look like i could've look, but did not want to... they have even some names that i could've choose... but this is going to far somehow... i still have a rather unique name... i searched it on internet for years, and in the early 2000's i found that some spiecies of small birds is naled like me in latin... my grandma always told me i have the name of a flower, but only my cousin is tellin me now (2017) that he found the flower on the internet, and also this year (2017) i found that there are in the greek legends two characters with this name (also stipulated by my father in his blabbering of how i got my name... as in he was teling me he found the name in a book : greek or latin... he does not realy remember... he says he was drunk...)

First woman. First tries.

I arived in wanting a woman after i saw one. I knew i have my genitals at that point and somehow i wanted to use them... but the thing is that i tried to catch one, but as i caught one with my words... pitch black and another woman... strange... this phenomena was and somehow still is at no end... i hate my life for it, but i believe god has something prepared for me, since many religions say that these are the end of times, and scientists want new life and stuff... It is od...

the thing is that women tented to tell me that if i had any of them, i would not have friends, and when i wanted to show them i had friends, guess what... pitch black again... or friend, but no woman...

this is, swear to god, the best of what i can remember hapened to me... and it goes long on...

at one point i got very angry. I was racing somehow through images of what i can tell, and fact is i had a woman, but every time i looked at her she was diferent, but hapy, or each time hapier... that got me so angry i began kiling, healing people (although i am not jesus) and at the woman's desperation, i even revived somebody, tho i stil think it was fake, since in that movement of images i just saw a man laying down, which she told me that was dead, and i raised my hands and sayed : get up or your life is ending forever now ! Swear to god i will get this all to pitch black now if you do not get up again, so he got up...

after this there is a somehow long blur, since i got another period of sleep or something, but some other stuff hapened too, tho i do not realy remember properly.

Testing life. Consumables.

The thing is that the first time we had tested the food and such we described what it felt like.

Over this came the fact that we tried to live forever. All days. Forever ment we never wanted to live just a bit. We wanted to grasp as much as posible.

So we arived at trying food. This was od. Try food and never die. But your stomac would blow up... so we started filing the days as long as posible to get to eat as low as posible. Death came.

Cigaretes were ok, used a lot of them, but life span did not seem to be long. Weed was considered a cigarete with an amazing taste but with some efects we do not understand. We caled it a drug.

So god laughed at me and began giving all sorts of drugs to demonstrate that drugs are plenty. But beware ! Never fal in the pasion of them. I used the drugs and begun to dream. I forgot about living forever. I arived at hearing ladies singing to me what i sang in the day. Drugs where interesting. Cocaine made you fel powerful. Heroin was forbiden for me and by me since i had took it and saw pitch black and colors from the rainbow. LSD was just something i believed would exist. Meth was something like coke. Many more were tested sometimes in time of one day. But i never felt something interesting of them and i overdosed myself with cocaine once since i had a rainbow in front of my eyes and noise... so as i could say : i lost my power of doing pitch black and slowly forgot about stuf.

I tried to say water does not kill. God made it clear in some days that even from water you die, tho you might say you starve to death. So i tried bread with water. Forever. I 'died' again...

Food forever seemed again an option. I tried it. I arived being impared moving. This made it clear for the moment. I got fat. This was bad for girls, no ? So i finished another day with a curse on me. I would always be fat. Nothing is normal about it. I got to be somehow a problem for myself.
Days began to be counted again in my slep. Sometimes i realized i was aslep, but sometimes i was not so shure that i did not die. That was life for me. I never experienced from my point of view real life. For me that was it ; and a dream that sometime i will be pinochio for my giusepe.
Thing is that life began to be biger and biger in my slep, so i arived to forget again and again, and sometimes i have this problem even nowadays, but thing is i always say that this would be the mechanism for the new life we are expecting. The end of the world is just a fake id for some people to gain from others desperation...

Family 2.

thing is that by eating a lot i made my mother fat. She wanted to take the curse of being fat upo her, so she ate for me from some point. After so many deaths as i saw at the time the arival of night as i caled the dream state, she began to prolongue my days by eating for me. This may again sound strange. Since the gods of oplympus were already invented, and of egypt, she took names from both. I did not know exactly how she look, just that she was beautiful.

My aunt was trying to kep english because she found a lot of new words in it. It was strange, and i did not like her much since i wanted to have me new latin languages practiced. Still in these days i practice them. It can be at least considered strange since people say that this is only a fantasy. My fantasy never the les.

Music industry.

I arived at practicing a lot of music and i became more and more focused on hip'hop/rap, but i liked a lot al types of music. I found myself a long time in this state and i made the english people very hapy since i found myself singing in english to make people understand my life in the language they spoke in.

This became a thing like an industry, tho it was not known if this had to become practical in real life. So we made up the story of the bible, since i wanted to be caled even adam for a while, since i did not remained glued to my name. I did not acept i was to lose so much time to become alive.

We started to make stories and sometimes even live them. We were planing even movies and such to make money in the real world, since i was starting to feel people live on earth without me, and they wren't accepting me as a living human being. I felt bulied and discriminated. I stil fel that sometimes, but people say i need pils to destroy my depresion. I am stil asking for real drugs, not experimental medicine with same aspirin taste, such nothing... but this will folow in time ; the explanation.

A lot of time was pasing by.

Curses.

Since i was very good at making stories and music and such, people began to ask me a lot of stuf about their life, and were caling me god, as if i was that since i had a bos, but whatever...
I arived at prescribing pils to people as nothing. I invented names for them with no reason, just to be left alone.

My grandmother and family of her age (from my father's side since my mom was incognito and with poor stories of her family) started to become 'adicted' as i might say with these drug medicine and started to want to cure themself with them... so some of them work... for real ilneses.

This pased fast.

Family 3

i was saying about my grandma. She was a woman that wanted to just keep me alive. But i had more or les nothing to do, and i wanted to test weed, but i did not got it since i caled it a drug...

it is very strange that day even now... but at the end of the day she had a face that i could recognize...

Bible.

I got to be adam at some point but life arived to make eve some kind of evil doer since she ate some drug fruit or something, but i arived at wanting to destroy the world and god was on my side.

We destroyed the tower of babel, where people tried to arive at me, and i did not want that, we made moses to live far from egypt since the pyramids should've ben a secret, and we floded the earth since men started living alone, without me and that made me gelous. God helped me, as i dayed, but the thing is that he always wanted for me to make it back... this was and is a puzle for me, since i do not realy understand the meaning of life, more than it is to kep me entertained, and by me i say something that is my brain, because me as a whole am very hard entertained....

History.

Of course i am to say that hitler tried to make al people for me to like, and since the example of blonds with blue eyes was something people realy tried to do, we just aranged him to die as he was a manipulator and tried to get power for himself in time.

We tried many things.

Of course vatican is the bigest cristian church and apeares in other religious books too, since i wanted them to have power... i always wanted to be a priest. But this came, of course, after we kiled jesus, since his life was not worth living, i did not want to try it again, although i lived something similar but forgot for a while... somehow this universal eror kyps me on track when i try to do stupid things.

It stoped me even to be a soldier/warior since i could not realy see enough to fight with people and did not feel enough rage to actualy want to kil... (kiling person by person is anyway a stupidity. stil)
I arived being Zamolxe for the dacians at one point, since the romanian people where the chosen ones in my story. They never took slaves since i did never figure out how exatly does that complication work... and since they were very natural and pure, and people tried to force me to speak english (even now they want me to speak english, tho you will understand they are just playing around, if you will). As this character i tried living in the forest, in the middle of a war, but failed since it all faded to black when i began singing in romanian some prety avanguardic songs...

this does not folow real history events, but hey ! We always say history from school books lie to us...

Weed

i arived to find out that weed cures stuf in that astral life, since whenever i engaged in trying to have human activities, like cut my nails or try to realy slep in somewhat of a bed and senced it's fragrance.

It was since some time cancer was invented, since cancer is somewhat of a much human ilnes. It reproduces cels very fast, as people where multilplying in front of me...

we decided weed would save us from stuf that could kil us, if we consume it recreationaly and with pleasure...

this was strange and i realy wanted a female...

my dad interviened and somehow i chose a woman from the female faces that where floding my mind. I chose a woman most of you know : the gal in the tv series with the name of this chapter. It was strange living with her since she did not want to engage in copulus and did not want to talk damn forward with me. I got stuck with her in an age where i saw pitch black again, but with a twist. I 'saw' in the pitch black the energetic lines of a house. Moresome, i saw her, this lady, my aleged wife, wherever she went. She always had weed on her for me, at least a period after we engaged in copulus and she had a child (she had him in an instant ; he called me daddy, his name truly was short from sylasyay (i will let you imagine since i don't share names in this text) and i took care of him while he grew up... she went all the time in the city and sold weed... how is an interesting fact. She engaged with men in copulus and texted me on a phone (eventualy... because at first she just talked with me in my head, so i imagined a phone in my hand and i requested we use it) if god would grant us with wyd... i always sayed yes...

Planets

it pased a long time and i got myself away from my divine bond, so i placed myself steady and imagined planets in front of me and started to say how they are built and how life could live on them. I did not want to eat and did not want to drink, but my father came from the galows and gave me both. Days pased and i was stil there. It was a strange experience and i reckon people find far away planets and say diferent ideas of how they are from just this : my 'jumanji' game of then...

Rap. Rock. History

after these things i tried to change a bit the hip'hop, but people engaged me in all sorts of activities for movie industry, like trying to live in rambo to save his life since he asumadly wanted me a real life pinochio. So i helped them, but i brought cocaine in help for some things... maybe this is why artists consume it like it is weed... strange...

but this was short, cause i got in diferent activities. I imagined talking to my grandma, playing ches, and being somewhat of a astral object... this last activity got me layed for a couple of times with women that lived on some planet(/'s)... i got into discusion with some aleged kings that where named like in the tv series with the race for a throne, and they told me i should be a king. I laughed for a day, and i got to be an rinocerus that died without engaging in copulus for his race and faded to black once more.

Historicly i was playing music in my head and arived to be some great singers and artists but just to get a grasp of a timeline so i could be born, because that was for the time being in my head : to get born... i hated already that faded into black world.

Discovery.

In time i discovered a grey world at the end of my thougts that scared me at first. But in time i decided i want to be exactly in that spot if i wanted to live. I tried a lot to get into that place and i got again into diferent ideas of life that came from others so that i could get into that place. Nothing worked. I met some of my cousins in my mind and did another number of things not worth mentioning (like siting in a piramid being ra, and other stupid litle things), except one or two : theoretizing on computers (which got me in strange 'into worm hole experiences') and being into real worm'holes which got me to accept that cars existed (aka i was in cars or simply cars roaming places and imagining buildings... this last one hapening other times too, but i left the idea out of the text for story value reason)

The grey world.

At a point i arived in pitch black and silence so i went alone to slep, which in my mind was still meaning i would die, but i got in time (i 'guess') in front of colors. They where in front of my face and it was hurting (much like the colored lines on a broken tv they were)... And ariving in the grey world...

Arival

Ariving in the end of this 'half'' i find more halfs in my head. Nevertheles. Who understands, understands< Peace